THE
LIFE-CHANGING
POWER OF
SAYING
NO
"Julie will be in touch with the notes and any follow-up questions we have.”
I can’t even count how many times a meeting has been wrapped up by men with some version of these words. It’s something I had no problem with when I was a junior and learning the ropes (that’s not to say that it wasn’t problematic, just that I didn’t have a problem with it).
But what about when you’ve worked for almost 15 years, amassed experience and education, and become, say, the Editor of a magazine? And you are asked to join a sales meeting with a potential advertiser because you are the most senior woman, know the brand best, and can best communicate the value proposition? And then you lead the whole meeting, navigate their questions and garner excitement and interest? What about when THAT meeting ends with that same sentence?
That would be some bullshit.
In one sentence, you too can go from being the editor to the secretary. From an equal to an underling. In one foul swoop, a message is sent loud and clear: she’s not as important as us, so don’t bother respecting her. Just one sentence and the client’s impression of my role changes. It just does. I am no longer a leader, I am now a caretaker.
So, here’s what I started doing, and what I encourage all women facing this kind of dilemma to try. Ready for it? I said…NO. I just stopped taking notes. Do you have a list of all the questions they asked? Nope. Did you write down everyone’s name that was on the call? Sure didn’t.
I’m not going lie, it is hard at first because it feels like you’re being neglectful. You’ve been brainwashed to think that if something needs to be done, you just do it. But every time that you just do it, you’re engraining even deeper in their brains that you will always do it. And as I always say, the status quo only benefits them.
Say NO enough and they will (gasp!) start doing it themselves! Or, they will hire someone whose job it is to do it.
This is just one example of the ways that I hope DEFY helps women unlearn some of the things the patriarchal system has made us believe is our duty or responsibility simply because we’re women. We can’t change the system over night, but we can change how we respond. Part of that, I believe, is normalizing the word “no”.
Just try it, it’s so freeing!
This second issue of DEFY packs a punch and I am so excited for you to dive in. Our cover woman Crystal Andrus-Morissette will show you how to turn your anger into the fuel you need to power your career. We explore the importance of female mentorship as a way to shatter the glass ceiling, dispel the myth that women have to “have it all”, and I have a one-on-one conversation with ground-breaking philosopher Kate Manne.
"We can’t change the system over night, but we can change how we respond and part of that, I believe, is normalizing the word NO."
A new year means new opportunities, and we're hoping 2023 gives rise to some much-needed progress in the workplace. Whatever happens, DEFY will be there, providing validation and guidance from female experts and leaders.
I love making DEFY and I am committed to keeping it free so that it is as accessible to as many women as possible. But it is a lot of work and requires time and energy to create. We rely on you, dear reader, for your support in doing this.
If you can afford to pay for DEFY, please CONTRIBUTE. It means so many more women will be able to access it in 2023 and beyond.
With much love, respect and gratitude,
Editor-in-chief
julie@defymag.ca
@editorjulesl
P.S – If you didn’t catch the first issue of DEFY, read the origin story.
